Thursday, April 14, 2011

Baby Lost

They wait for the doctor.
The room is so quiet.
The doctor arrives.
Things do not look so good.
The baby does not have a heartbeat.

We will have to do a simple out-patient procedure.
Simple. What is simple about this?
Simple out-patient procedure - really?
Her heart is breaking.
No heartbeat.

How could this happen?
Did we do something wrong?
Help us God.
Tears of sadness, disappointment, anger.
What if we can never have a baby?

Fear, lack of faith, frustration.
Why did this happen to us?
How will I get through this?
Ironic - take baby steps to get through it,
but no baby.

Do a project.
Flood my mind with thought of other things.
Does not fix the feelings,
but it does distract the mind, the heart.
Pray for strength and understanding.

30% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage.
This does not make me feel any better.
Now, I am a statistic -
a broken, devastated, empty statistic.
Help me God.

4 comments:

  1. rush of memories....I hated being a statistic even before 'just-a-miscarriage' was understood as my very real baby. I love you. Liz

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  2. I struggled at the time, but now it is a sad memory. God blessed me with two healthy adorable girls later. I am so thankful for that. Love you too.

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  3. I remember those times, a difficult and sad time for you and Q. Nothing can take that away but it can be offset by the wonderful two girls that came after.

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  4. Thanks Donna. Thank you for being there with us. Your willingness to share in the girl's lives has meant a lot to me and to them.

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