Thursday, April 14, 2011

Baby Lost

They wait for the doctor.
The room is so quiet.
The doctor arrives.
Things do not look so good.
The baby does not have a heartbeat.

We will have to do a simple out-patient procedure.
Simple. What is simple about this?
Simple out-patient procedure - really?
Her heart is breaking.
No heartbeat.

How could this happen?
Did we do something wrong?
Help us God.
Tears of sadness, disappointment, anger.
What if we can never have a baby?

Fear, lack of faith, frustration.
Why did this happen to us?
How will I get through this?
Ironic - take baby steps to get through it,
but no baby.

Do a project.
Flood my mind with thought of other things.
Does not fix the feelings,
but it does distract the mind, the heart.
Pray for strength and understanding.

30% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage.
This does not make me feel any better.
Now, I am a statistic -
a broken, devastated, empty statistic.
Help me God.


  1. rush of memories....I hated being a statistic even before 'just-a-miscarriage' was understood as my very real baby. I love you. Liz

  2. I struggled at the time, but now it is a sad memory. God blessed me with two healthy adorable girls later. I am so thankful for that. Love you too.

  3. I remember those times, a difficult and sad time for you and Q. Nothing can take that away but it can be offset by the wonderful two girls that came after.

  4. Thanks Donna. Thank you for being there with us. Your willingness to share in the girl's lives has meant a lot to me and to them.