Struggles of the Last Summer

 



I took this picture a few months ago when I was sitting by the pool. It reminds me of calmer times. Mountain Laurels blooming. Butterflies flitting by. Oh, the days of spring.

 

Now I am knee deep into summer. Long hot days. Short crisp tempers. Dreadful anticipation of fall and all the changes that will take place in our house.

 

Avs will be returning to Texas Tech as a sophomore. She loves Texas Tech, but as a mom, it is five and a half hours away from home. So far. She will be starting curriculum for an art degree. Very exciting for her. She is an amazing artist.

 

Ash will be leaving for her freshman year at Texas State. It is much closer to home - only an hour and a half away. She will be taking basic classes as she prepares for a degree in Physical Therapy. I suspect she will come home a lot since her boyfriend has not graduated yet.

 

So, I will be an empty nester. I already hate those words. Empty. Nothing where there used to be something. Nest. Our home - full of all the things you experience with teenagers - joy, anger, laughter, tears, mood swings, activity, etc.

 

It will be so empty. Yes, I still have my husband, Q. After 24 years, I know we will adjust. I am just not sure how we will adjust. 

 

How do you adjust to an empty house?

 

Some things will be easy. The washer will always be available when I need to wash clothes. There won't be dirty dishes piled up from some snack or meal that was prepared. There won't be stuff like hairbands, books, candy wrappers, shoes lying around in the living room. The guest bathroom will be clean.

 

Other things will be hard. I won't actually get to see their faces in the morning. I will have to text them to be in touch, since calling is not cool. I won't be able to meet them for lunch when they are having a bad day.

 

I am a solitary person, so I know that I will manage. I know it will be good for Q and me. Now we can do things that the kids did not want to do. We can take a trip without getting every one's input. We can eat cereal for dinner. We can stay up late watching TV or reading without having to go to our bedroom, so the kids can have the living room.        

 

A new reality. Quiet. Empty. Hopeful?

 

A New Year

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

Proverbs 31:26

Well, it is now 2013. I am not sure where the time goes. All I know is that my grandma was right, "The older you get, the faster the time goes."

Last year was interesting. I learned some surprising things. During Lent, I decided I would try to read my devotion every day and then share it through some social media. I started out strong, as I always do, but then the first weekend came and sure enough I missed my devotion. I was disappointed in myself, but decided to keep trying. So the next week I read my devotion and shared it everyday until the weekend. Well instead of giving up, I stuck with it. I got through the entire Lent season and read my devotion although I have to admit I did miss quite a few Saturdays. I was astonished. I had never really stuck with something as it related to study in my spiritual life. I have continued this practice and now read my devotions every morning while I drink my coffee.

I also ran into numerous moms who wanted/needed a common group (for lack of a better word) to share/discuss parenting issues. I brushed off the idea, I mean what did I really have to offer? Well as the year progressed, I learned that my kids are not perfect. I raised them as Christians with good values. However, I could not manage their decisions and behavior as they became adults. Maybe other moms could benefit from my experiences?

My goal to write was also not getting any closer. As I looked at my favorite website, Proverbs 31 Ministries, http://www.proverbs31.org/, it dawned on me that the scripture they show on several of their pages:

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

Proverbs 31:26

 

was a scripture that has showed up in my life over and over. So, maybe I was looking at this all wrong. Maybe the book was not the end all, be all, like I thought. Maybe it is just a part of the whole picture. I will continue to write and share my experiences on my blog. I did really poorly at that last year. I will continue to work on my book and honing in on the message. I will share my experiences either one-on-one or in groups when God presents the situation.

Anyway, a new year - a new chance to try and spread God's word.

Change is in the Air

Q and I went to Lost Maples this weekend. It was wonderful. Walking in the woods with beautiful color. People passing and speaking in foreign languages. Sunshine. God's beauty all around.

The bright leaves on the trees and the dead leaves on ground reminded me that change is in the air. As it is in my life.
My oldest daughter is off at college. Change.
My youngest daughter is a senior in high school and trying to decide where to go to college.
Change.
My new job didn't pan out.
Change.

There are many good things that are resulting from these changes.
Avery is getting a college degree.
Ashlyn is preparing to get a college degree.
I found out I enjoy having a job. That was a little bit of a surprise after staying home for so many years.

The leaves fall so that the trees can rest before the new year. Change. New beginnings. Goodness.

New Career for an Old Lady

God is so good.

Every year in January I ask Q if I need to get a job this year. Every year he has said, "No". Until this year. You see our oldest daughter, Avs, will start college in two weeks. Our youngest will be a senior in high school, so she will begin college next year.

So, many months ago, I started looking for a job. I applied for a coordinator at a Christian retreat center. They called and said they would call back to schedule an interview. Nothing. I applied for several secretary jobs at the school district. I applied for a front desk worker at a fitness center. I applied for paraprofessional jobs with the school district. I applied for a secretary/receptionist at the county extension agents office.

I had one interview, yes, one. The most frustrating part about all of this was that I have two, yes two college degrees. I worked for 13 years in corporate America. I have been a stay-at-home mom for 12 years while my kids have been in school.

So, I went to God in prayer. I would be all excited for a job and then not get a call for an interview. I changed my prayers from wanting a job, any job, to God give me the right job. God knew how much money we needed. God knew my skills. God knew my responsibilities at home. God knew the right timing.

Every week, I check the paper for jobs. Last week there was a Certified Pharmacy Technician job. Nothing else that looked promising. I thought "Nah". This week there were still no promising jobs in the paper, but the Pharmacy Tech job was listed again. I thought, "What the heck". I dressed casually in capris, t-shirt, and cardigan with some sandals and went to fill out an application.

Here is where it gets crazy! The interviewer talked to me for about 10 minutes and then said, "I am interested in hiring you!!!"

I told him I was interested too. He said, "Can you start at noon today!!!!!" So crazy.

Well long story short, I spoke to Q (who also couldn't believe it) and I will start my new job on Monday. They are paying me more money than any of the other jobs I applied for. The hours are great. I will train and then take a test to become a Certified Pharmacy Technician.

When I finally trusted God to provide, boy did He come through. It relieved so much of my anxiety and stress to let God figure out the details. While all of this was going on, I couldn't help but think of that old joke -
God help me win the lottery. God Says, "Buy a ticket!!"

So I faithfully applied for all jobs that seemed like a good fit. And as usual,  God provided just the right thing at just the right time!!! Thank you God!


Photo from iappfind.com

Observations at 7,280 Feet

We spent last week in Colorado. We rented a condo on the Arkansas River and Q and I took four teenage girls to the mountains.

1. The setting was beautiful. Temperatures were cool. Thank you God, since we did not have air conditioning!


2. Four teenage girls can get along for a WHOLE week without fighting!!


3. Eating at a restaurant while it is pouring down rain is charming. It is not so charming for all of the parties involved though when the rain starts leaking on your table and they bring a bucket to catch the water!!!


4. Cute teenage girls attract the best tour guides!


5. July in Colorado is the rainy season.


6. Traveling with adult children is better than traveling with small children!


7. As long as there is a Wal-Mart, we can get what we need.


8. T-shirt painting is not only a do-at-home activity. The girls designed t-shirts for the zip-line tour. They said "Hold your tits" or "Hold your chi-chis"!!!


9. YOLO is not a saying in Colorado, it is a trendy clothing store we frequented.


10. If you cannot find a cool scarf to purchase, buy a cheap dress and cut it up to make a scarf when you get home.

Wild to Mild

Last summer my sister had some wild cats living under her house. My brother-in-law caught two of them for us to look at. One was Siamese and the other was solid black.

When we tried to pet them, they went crazy. Hissing. Scratching. Flailing. We decided to bring them home. Well at first, they hid in the bathroom and would hiss every time you came in. I would talk to them and they would back away with fear in their eyes.

They finally came out of the bathroom and explored the house. We named the Siamese one, Tango, and the black one, Obie.

Gradually our love replaced their fear. Now Tango likes to snuggle. She enjoys our nap in the afternoons. When I lay on the couch, here she comes to lay with me. Tango doesn't really like it outside. She has adapted to indoor life and enjoys the easy life now.

Obie likes it outside. He comes in every morning and purrs while he gets a rubdown. He has a loud meow and greets me when I go check the mail.

Thinking about these two little wild cats that have grown into loving adult cats reminded me of the power of love. God gave us this great capacity to love and be loved. What are we doing with that gift?

Are we loving others and maybe making a huge impact in their lives or are we hoarding our love for later? Are we taking the love given to us and growing with it, or are we hiding in the bathroom, backing away in fear?

Take your capacity to love and give it to others. They need it. Take your capacity to receive love and grow from it. Let God's love and the love of others be your guiding force.

As I write this, Tango is snuggling with me. Her life and mine are better because of love. Love took her from wild to mild!!!

Shining Through

The last few days my devotions have been about prayer. One devotion got me thinking about how some of my prayers are recited instead of specific. When I pray for the same people or situations over and over I have a tendency to ask God for the same things.

How do I mix it up? How do I make my prayers specific and yet pray for some of the same people every day?

Each person must have multiple needs, so I should think more and recite less. For example, my Mimi is in an Alzheimer's unit of a nursing home. She is is pain and wasting away. My prayer is always God please do not let her suffer and when it is her time, please take her into your arms.

But, I could pray for:
her to have a good day,
her to eat a good meal,
her not to try to walk,
her not to fall out of bed,
her to feel the love of her family,
her to be treated sweetly by the staff,
her to have someone to hold her hand,
her to have someone to read to her,
her to feel God's love shining through her confused state.

When I thought about it, instead of rushing through my prayer time, there were many things I could pray for that would be helpful.

Whenever I see rays of sun coming through the clouds, I feel like God is shining through on me. When I am old and not myself anymore, I hope someone will pray for me to still feel God's love shining through.